Category Archives: Random

Blog posts about randomness.

Why Do You Watch Movies?

Is it because you liked a certain book, so you have an urge to go out and see the film adaptation? Is it because some actor or actress just catches your attention so you try to support them by seeing their latest flicks? Is it because you can use film as an escape from the real world?

I don’t know why anyone goes to the movies or why they enjoy them, but for me it’s the ‘escape’ option. I can read a book or a comic book and be very into it, but also know there is a world going on around me. I tend to read in open places like a beach or a pool, so there is always activities happening, reasons to put that book down, do something, and then pick it back up and continue on.

When I play videogames, time flies by, but I’m never really feel like I AM in that level of Mortal Kombat fighting Sub-Zero. I never feel like I AM driving along side Luigi and Donkey Kong in Mario Kart. I play because its fun, it feels exciting. But I am very conscious that I am sitting on my bed, floor, couch, or chair for hours upon end with a controller in my hand.

But when I go to a movie theater, be it opening day with a packed crowd or an early showing weeks in with maybe a hand full of people in attendance, when those lights go down, I’m not in a theater anymore.

I can feel entrapped by these characters, I can feel like I’m in a world far-far away, and I can forgot about the world around me for the next two hours easily.

Over the past two weekends I’ve needed that escape. So instead of a bunch of Stub-Reviews as I typically do, I’m going to do a simple “Review Express” on the SEVEN movies I’ve seen in the last few weekends.

  • Fast & Furious 6: More fastness, more furiousness, and more, more, more action. The team behind Fast Five come back bigger and better with the follow up that in reality SHOULDN’T work, but does. The dialogue is not the best, but you come for the Justin Lin directed action and car races. The finale is good, but the mid-credit scene that sets up Fast & Furious 7 is probably on the level of being the most epic thing to happen on a movie screen for the entire year.
  • Mud: Matthew McConaughey does an absolutely fantastic job and Oscar worthy acting performance in this film. He is almost out shined by the two kids, but this is entirely McConaughey’s film. A very deep rooted story and interesting characters from top to bottom that you grow and care about, even some of the smaller roles that are in and out of the film. One of the best films of 2013 so far for me.
  • The Hangover Part III: There was no reason for this film to be made. All the leads look like they are sleep walking their way through another script that doesn’t pack the laughs or shocks like the original. We get a few throwback to things that worked very well in the first movie, but just seem tired this time around. Who would ever thought that Mike Tyson would be the smart one to turn down a movie?
  • Star Trek into Darkness: Another blockbuster sequel that doesn’t disappoint, thankfully. While I don’t think it is better than the first film, I think JJ Abrams puts together another fun trip to space with everyone’s (???) favorite crew. Karl Urban really shines as Bones in this film, while they give you all the great shout outs from Wrath of Kahn, but with a JJ Abrams lens-flared twist.
  • After Earth: It’s not as bad as Battlefield Earth, maybe if Will had some dreads like Travolta rocked in that film, but its no where as good as … any good sci-fi movie. Will Smith just further proves he doesn’t age as he looks like he stepped off the Fresh Prince set for this film, and his son Jayden just proves he can’t hang with his dad even in the most M. Night Shamalamaianiest film.
  • Now You See Me: A fun and breezy film that really is more into keeping the audience guessing and on their toes than telling a solid story, but the fun fast cut editing and over acting helps the time go by quick until you get to an ending that literally makes no sense what so ever after all the different twists and turns the film puts you through.
  • Epic: SOOOOoooooOOOooooOOOoooooOOOOoooooo boring.

So yeah, a real mix bag in those films, some really good movies, some ok, one meh, and one that was extremely boring. With all that said, all those films still did the job of trying to help me escape my everyday life for a few hours and forget my problems or stress or … loneliness, and just concentrate on something new, or something familiar, but still fun.

So if your reading this please share reasons why you enjoy heading out to the theater? What does sitting back and taking in a film mean to you?

Advertisements

Disney owns Star Wars + The entire East Coast is sunked away!

I have no power. Luckily I have a gas oven and heat, but still no power makes you go kinda stir crazy in your own house pretty quickly.

But I was luckily enough not to have any bad damage happen to my home, but those in South Jersey and large parts of New York can’t say the same. For all those effected, hope the best for you and your safety…
….but in other news.

Disney’s attempt to own and take over the world is about almost complete. They have officially bought out LucasFilm for a very tiny amount of 4 billion dollars. Disney reps report that Star Wars: Episode 7 will be released by 2015 part of a new trilogy and a live action TV show to follow.

We can only hope that after years and years of people talking how they would make a better Star Wars film than Lucas and would direct actors better….they can back those words up. So many writers and directors will be swimming (too soon?) at the chance to get to Disney HQ and attempt to be hired for the job.

Will Luke and Leia return? Han and Chewie? C3-Po and R2-D2….of course they are, but WHAT ABOUT JAR-JAR BINKS! WILL HE MAKE HIS TRIUMPHANT RETURN TO THE STAR WARS!

Who knows? But after all Disney’s plan of purchasing Marvel turned out to be a pretty smart move so far, so maybe they have something up their sleeve ready to go with Star Wars and give us that experience that you only remember in a galaxy far far away … in 3 years.

TV Theme Song Addictions

There is something about TV theme songs that are just addictive. Whether it’s when you were a child and looked forward to your favorite Saturday morning cartoon theme song to start…or when you’re at the rugged age of 25 and can’t wait to come home, turn on your flat screen HD television, open the DVR menu, and watch the opening recorded seconds of your favorite show.

This column is going to be more of a loosey-goosey type of blog, where I’m going to go to YouTube, put in a random TV show I like, and watch/listen to the theme song…and just click around from the links I’m given and basically share my thoughts. Maybe I’ll do 3 theme songs…maybe 5…possibly 10, but without a fuckin’ doubt, do not expect me to do 20 theme songs. I just don’t have the time…and to be honest, I find it personally rude and appalling that you expect that out of me, what the fuck is wrong with you? Am I here to amuse you?

I am!?

Oh, well … still, how about we keep it between 3 – 10 and see where that gets us, okay?

No!? You got a lot of fuckin’ nerve reader…yeah you, I can see you. With your medium length brown hair. Your polka dot shirt. Probably wearing some Mickey Mouse red slippers. Probably named Jennifer or something. …

What? I’m not allowed to have female readers? Fine, fine…this bit has gone on too long already…ON TO OUR FIRST THEME SONG!

 

Ahh, Full House. Let me just first come out in the open and admit…I like the song. I especially love the older seasons when the song plays on for like 3 minutes, something that would NEVER happen today on TV. Just the song and the melody is very Full Housey. Laid back…mellow…easy going…no real rift…just like a episode of Full House. One thing that caught my eye watching the intro was… the character introductions. They just seem so weird. Every show has them, that one image of your character that is juxtaposed with their real names just so you don’t get too confused, cause you’re a fuckin moron if you think you can come up to Bob Saget and call him Danny. No…no!

But those introductions to each character is hilarious for so many reasons…

 John Stamos / Uncle Jesse

First of all…starring? This is the Season 7 of Full House here, so maybe I’m forgetting something, but did people really tune in every week cause they were dying to know what was happening with the rock n’roll playing, Elvis-obsessed Greek?  And who really plays a fuckin’ guitar like that in the middle of the park unless they have a hat in front of them and are looking for change. Shame on you Stamos.

 Dave Coulier / Joey Gladstone / The Man that Cheated on Alanis Moorisette

Here’s another, “let’s set them in a place that looks like San Francisco.” What the fuck is a man who carried around a puppet, did impressions of 50s cartoons, and had a very unrealistic children’s cartoon show doing hanging out by the bay? Is that really in character? And what is with the combination of the Cosby sweater and the bombers jacket…oh 90’s, how mentally retarded your fashion choices were.

Bob Saget / Danny Tanner

Now raise your hand if back in the early- to mid-90s, you legit thought in 15 years you would grow to see Danny Tanner turn into such a despicable human being? NONE OF YA! I am in the minority where I prefer the Danny Tanner/America’s Funniest Home Video version of Bob Saget. He thinks he can just ride on saying “cunt” and “cum sucker” in his comedy routine, and we will all laugh ‘cause he once upon a time played a anal-retentive neat freak. If they brought him back to do AFHV again, I’d watch.

Candace Cameron / DJ

For some, DJ was your first crush growing up…not me, luckily, I got to watch the Wonder Years and lost my crush-virginity to Winnie Cooper. But if you watch every season intro of Full House, DJ’s intro is the most mind-boggling. She goes from a whiney mullet-having brat into… I have no idea what this is. Name one person that has a stationary bike in their bedroom. But to be fair, her brother is Kirk Cameron…so crazy does run in the family.

Jodie Sweetin / Stephanie

Probably calling up to get some meth.

Mary Kate & Ashley Olsen / Michelle

I always loved that it took a few years before anyone realized Michelle was played by twins. Didn’t help the fact how they put their names on the screen to make it look like Mary-Kate Ashley Olsen was one big name, instead of separate names. Oh well…either way, can you really watch this show anymore and be enamored by their cuteness without thinking how they grown up to be cunty ‘lil fashion snobs?

Andrea Barber / Kimi

I care so little about her that I am not even looking up if I spelled her character’s name correctly. One thing I never understood is how she and DJ were friends…or why anyone didn’t just murder her from the outright. She had horrible, smelly feet. Always barged into their house. Probably had a smelly vagina to go with her busted face.

Lori Loughlin / Becky

I always found the story of Becky to be the biggest downfall in the show’s history. Just think of the downward spiral she suffers. We are introduced to her as a strong, independent woman who is working for a daily morning show. She is smart, she is successful, and she is strong. Then she comes across Danny Tanner and his three-ring circus family from hell. She sadly gets seduced by the man from Greece and impregnated with two retarded children, is force to leave her show because of her “family commitments,” lives in the fuckin’ attic of her brother-in-law’s house and has to deal with the fact she lives with five other people at one time. Never getting a moment to herself. Never getting away from … anyone. She probably thought of killing herself many times.

Scott Weinger / Steve

Look it’s Aladdin.

 

Dylan and Blake Tuomy-Wilhoit / Retarded Twins

Right behind the twins from Seventh Heaven and right ahead of the twins from Everyone Loves Raymond is where these poor bastards rank in the level of Television Children Retardation.

…I know I said I would do 3 – 10, but i just got really lazy now after doing that whole Madden style break down on the character intro’s. But for reals…the Full House theme song is pretty great throwback music if you ever just want to remember what being alive in 1991 was all about.

Top 10 … Horrible Sequels!

*If there is one thing I love more than talking about movies, its making lists ABOUT movies…or anything in general. No greater good in this world (bar my g/f) gives me more pleasure than an awesome top ten list.*

#10 –– Ocean’s 12

The first movie, Ocean’s 11, was fun, stylized, cool, enjoyable and light hearted all rolled into one gorgeous little package with the likes of Clooney, Pitt, and Damon staring in the film. It a big cast full of big names that really felt like anyone was bigger than the other, since the movie was all about the story. It was fun…the sequel, Ocean’s 12 was one of the biggest ego boost films ever put to film. Every star got a nice Italian vacation and sat on set and gave barely there performances where the only heist was that I paid 8 bucks to see that movie in the first place. Ocean’s 13 was better, but still never touched the heights of the first movie.

#09 –– Any Sequel to a Jim Carrey Movie!

Lets put it this way, back in the 90’s and early part of the ought’s (aka 2000’s for you un-hip people), Jim Carrey was funny. Now a days, he is more of a shell of his former self when it comes to comedies, but still a solid actor when it comes to dramas. But during his magical run of 1994, Carrey starred in THREE big pictures that made his career. Ace Venture: Pet Detective, Dumb & Dumber, and The Mask. All of those movies got a sequel, as did Carrey’s 2003 hit, Bruce Almighty. What do all these sequels have in common? 3/4ths of them don’t have Jim Carrey in them and Ace Venture 2 was an abortion of what made everything about the original film great and hilarious. While Bruce Almighty isn’t a all time classic, it still was funny…which I guess the sequel, Evan Almighty thought was useless, since they never once tried to put a single joke in their 200 million dollar bomb. And please just never mention Son of the Mask or you will be cursed by horrible Jamie Kennedy “comedy.”

#08 –– Cars 2

This is on this list, not just because the sequel didn’t live up to the fun and story of the first film, but because on Pixars first failure of its history, it was done on a grand scale. Instead of doing what they always did and make a film that wasn’t just for kids, but for the whole family, children and adults…Pixar went against their way and just made a commercial for merchandise. I am 25 years old and when I came out of Cars 2 I had no idea in what happened at all, but all the little kids wanted to go and buy the newest toy cars from the film. Pixar for one film, sold out and that alone deserves ranking on this list.

#07 –– Star Wars – Episode 1: The Phantom Menace

The reason this isn’t higher or number one is because…it’s been done to death. Episode 1 is bad, it’s boring, and there is nothing to take away from the film besides Darth Maul under the positive column. I remember when the film came out and I was as excited as anyone to see it first day and I did…and then 45 minutes into talking about midichlorians for the hundredth time I fell asleep and woke up just before the final act and …I’m pretty sure that is the last time I saw that film. Really hope I don’t get dragged to see it again in 3D, cause really…wasn’t Jar-Jar enough in 2D?

#06 –– Men in Black 2

Another sequel that took everything that was great about the first film and then ignored it and did what they THOUGHT the audiences wanted and should want in a sequel. The first film was about chemistry between Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones. It was about the exploration of alien life in New York City and focused on one pissed off bug. The second movie had Johnny Knoxville with two head and Laura Flynn Boyle as our bad guy…yep, the same chick that could be broken in half with a gust of wind was sending our heroes into misery with her EVILNESS!!!~ MiB2 sucked so bad, everyone basically apologized for its existence, here’s hoping MiB3 makes up for it.

#05 –– Mortal Kombat: Annihilation

I stand by the theory that Mortal Kombat is the ONLY good video game into movie adaptation made. It had the spirit of the film, a nicely kast of kharacters (see what I did there?) The story was simple, the fights were fun and the dialogue was so silly and over the top, it felt like videogame dialogue. So how do they fail in the sequel? They re-cast everyone but Lui Kang and Kitana. They turn Raiden into a wimpy mortal. They cast the worst Vin Diesel ripoff as Shao Khan and worst of all…THEY KILLED JOHNNY CAGE!

#04 –– Batman & Robin

Now here is a bit of controversy…I like Batman Forever. Two-Face was over the top and didn’t follow the characteristics of his comic-book counterpart. The Riddler played more like The Joker than a conniving mastermind. Robin was in college and still in the circus for some reason. And Gotham city was turned into a neon light city. But with all that, the film was still enjoyable…Batman & Robin was not. Not even in “It’s so bad, it’s funny” category. I remember watching it when I was a kid and recently and just thinking that I’m SUFFERING through this film, not watching it. Clooney was horrible. Arnie and Uma Therman made probably the worse duel villain combo in movie history and a comic book nerd, they completely ruined the monstrously genius known as Bane. Over 100 ice puns by Mr. Freeze, plus … the Bat-credit card? Come on…just come on.

#03 –– Major League 2

One comment and one comment only…Where the fuck is Wesley Snipes?

 

 

 

 

 

 

#02 –– Every Pirates of the Caribbean Sequel.

There is a common theme amongst the films on this list, where I speak about how the first movie did something very well and very enjoyable and then the sequels shit all over that. Pirate movies have been doing that every since Dead Man’s Chest and the worst part of all, is that everyone has been paying to see them do it again and again. The first movie had a plot, had characters you card about, had action, had rum, and had Johnny Depp in a supporting role. That movie didn’t live or die on Captain Jack Sparrow and that’s the big reason the sequels sucks. Something good in small doses works so much better than, over saturating that something good until it just feels forced and boring. The Pirates sequels are all about Captain Jack in some way or point and basically the filmmakers sold out their original vision to give Johnny Depp and Disney a huge pay day marketed off the dreadlocks and rum drinking Pirate that pretty much made and destroyed a franchise all in one fell swoop.

#01 –– Street Fighter: Legend of Chun-Li

Now the original Street Fighter movie is far from good….it is actually not good at all. Its like they did a random search on the fight screen from a Street Fighter game and just threw names into a script and ignored all characteristics of those characters. So how could it get worse…well with a remake/reimagining/re-whogivesashit sequel like movie known as Legend of ChunLi. First we get a Canadian actress as the fames Asian fighter. We get a blonde hair/blue eyed M. Bison and a Black Eye Pea as the vicious Vega. How could this not be #1? If anything else needed to be said…let me direct you to the best of Chris Klein as Nash…

Avengers …(SB Teaser)….ASSEMBLE!

I don’t know what to say. My jaw dropped at least 5-6 times throughout that extended trailer (thank you Marvel).

Cap and Stark with their little “Stark…Captain” exchange. The Loki/Stark “I have an army.” “We have a Hulk.” The circling shot around the complete team. Hawkeye with a arrow shot in mid air, Scarlett Jo. looking … like Scarlett Jo.

Avengers can’t come soon enough. I love you Spidey. I respect you Nolan. But damn, do I want me some Whedon stylized Avengers action!

….

P.S. Go GIANTS!

Chuck Retrospective Pt. 1

Season One:

On January 27th, 2012 the five year rollercoaster ride that is known as Chuck came to an end. Chuck was created by Josh Schwartz & Chris Fedak and starred Zachary Levi, Yvonne Strahovski, Joshua Gomez and Adam Baldwin. Now these are just the typical types of tidbits you give someone when introducing them to something they might not know about, especially a television program, but what this retrospective is about is that fun ride that Chuck gave us from 2007 to 2012.

I wont lie though, I never watched the first season of Chuck during its initial run…because I saw the trailers and didn’t think it looked impressing.

 

Now looking back on it with the aura of love that I have for the show, the trailer seems on par with the humor, but being fresh to the series, it felt like just a typical “Nerd Revolution” style show. Where we have to be forced to sit though a programming that delivers the idea that “Nerds are Cool.” So that first season came and went without me giving it a slight notice. Then sometime in 2008 during winter break of college, I was acting like the typical bum that I am and had no job and just hung around my house watching TV. The thing about me though is that I like to get into shows through DVD, so I can run through them. So a repeated episode of Chuck played on NBC during that break, I remember it like yesterday it was Episode 1.7 “Chuck vs. The Alma Mater” and just like that … I was hooked.

Looking back, I see why it was the episode that got me hooked on to the show…it was basically Chuck’s origin story. For comic book nerds, an origin story is something we know all to well. While you think the pilot would be Chuck’s origin, it really isn’t, its more of origin of the Intersect and how it revolves around Chuck Bartowski and his loved ones. This episode shows us why our hero was in position of a loveable loser when we found him in the pilot…all because of Bryce Larkin.

Bryce Larkin played by Mat Bomer is a crucial part of Chuck’s life and that of the story for the first two seasons. He stole the intersect from the CIA/FBI and sent it to Chuck so he would unknowingly download it into his brain, without Bryce Larkin, we have no show…but without Chuck, we have no reason to keep watching episode after episode.

There are so many relationships in Chuck, that you think one of them would fall by the wayside and become more tiresome than the others, but they don’t and I credit that to the likeability of the main star, Zachary Levi and his chemistry with the entire cast. We have:

  • Chuck and Morgan, bestfriends.
  • Chuck and Elie, brother + sister.
  • Chuck and Bryce, broken friendship.
  • Chuck and Casey, partnership.
  • And the most important one of all…

Chuck and Sarah.

What you will come to realize in the next parts of this retrospective is that the lynch pin of this show is held together by the relationship of Chuck and Sarah. Amazing chemistry between Zachary Levi and Yvonne Strahovski has a lot to do with it, but the great writing of the series is equally important in not just giving us a relationship that holds our attention, but not dragging it out to the degree of a Rachel & Ross style of annoyance.

Throughout the ‘Writers Strike’ shorten year of 2007, Chuck was held to only 13 episodes in it’s first season and for a show that average a rating of 8.68 that could of easily killed a show in today’s society…but a common them shown in the show, the main character, and fans worldwide…is the never say die attitude.

The first season though wasn’t without its faults. The writers were figuring out just how much time was enough time for the big cast of characters from Chuck and his spy team, to the Buy More gang and the breakout supporting characters of Jeff and Lester, to Chuck’s family in Elie and Capt. Awesome and to the long list of rivals that Chuck needed to go against. This lead to Morgan sometimes becoming more of a hinder than help in some episodes.

To conclude Pt. 1 of my Chuck Retrospective, like I will do with each season, give my “favorites” of that season.

  1. Favorite Season 1 Episode: “Chuck vs. The Alma Mater”
  2. Favorite Season 1 Moment: Chuck and Sarah’s first kiss in “Chuck vs. The Imported Hard Salami”
  3. Favorite Season 1 Fight: Sarah vs. Lizzie in “Chuck vs. The Marlin”

Oscar Noms (nom..nom..nom)

So that time of the year is here, when all the film nerds come to their glowing computer screens, look at their go to movie websites and collectively “meh” about the Oscar nominations. It is now so common theme to hear about all the snubs…the bitching…the moaning, then to ever just sit back and applaud the Academy for nominating the right people for doing a good job.

So interwieved in this post of congratulations…will be bitching of course, cause come on…it’s the Oscars!? They never do anything 100% correctly, do they?

The Good:               

-Hugo‘s recognition in Best Picture, Best Director, and Best Cinemtography
-Gary Oldman’s FIRST Academy Award Nomination (Really Oscars?…Took this long)
Cars 2 NON-nomination. Good on the Academy for not tossing Pixar a bone on a mistep like that.
-Woody Allen being nominated in categories like Best Writing, Best Director and Midnight in Paris getting a Best Picture nom.
The Barber of Birmingham getting a Best Documentary Nod. Watched the flick, good stuff.
Bridesmaids NOT getting a Best Picture nom. It’s overrated…get over it.

The Bad:

-No visual effects nomination for Captain America or Thor. The “Skinny Steve” effect and the visualation of Vahalla are just amazing.
Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close getting nominated…for anything.
-No love for Ryan Goseling in any of the incredible work he did in 2011 in three vastly different roles.
-Charlize Theron being snubbed for Young Adult. The film was good, but her performance was fantastic.  Did we really need Rooney Mara shoehorned in there?

The Ugly:

-That even though he has a humongous dong, Michael Fassbender can’t even get a nomination for Shame. Lot of small dicked Academy Members, me think.