Do you love movies that just take your money and then shit directly in your mouth? …Then you will LOVE Paranormal Activity 4.
Let me set you the setting of everything we have learned from Paranormal Activity 1 through 3. People record themselves. Weird shit happens. People get dragged away. Necks are broken.
There. All caught up? Good. The first Paranormal movie had a Blair With Project feel to it, where people didn’t know who the cast were, they weren’t any big names…or names at all, so it had the found footage feel and “Could this be real?” Obviously its not since no theater would show a snuff film, but it had AMAZING hype behind the release. After it did huge, obviously there was going to be a sequel, which was … a prequel. Taking place only a few months before the first film, then ending at the same time the first film ended, with our main baddie, Katie killing people and stealing a baby named Hunter. The third film was another prequel about the childhood of Katie and her sister and when all this paranormal shit started, which just showed that its part of some weird ass cult/coven that her family was part of.
Alright, one standout film and two prequels. With the fourth film gives the look of a proper sequel. We will finally follow up on Katie and Hunters whereabouts and see some answers for our questions. And holy hell does this film make you ask a lot of questions, like…
- Where have Katie and Hunter been all along? They were on the run from the police so why can she just seemingly be able to move into a neighborhood without any questions?
- If this Wyatt child is really Hunter, then who the fuck is Robbie?
- How did the sea of crazy bitches appear out of nowhere in Katie’s backyard.
- Why does Katie have shark teeth?
- Did they really just fuckin’ end the film like that?
You see that last question will be the one you ask yourself the most, since after a hour and half, the film just stops and credits roll. What the fuck? Here is another question I think the studio was asking themselves too…”Do you think we can trick an audience into seeing a 90 minute trailer for Paranormal Activity 5?”
Answer: Yes. Yes they fuckin’ did, cause this movie makes no sense and is nothing but a set up for ANOTHER sequel, which probably will not answer any questions. Fuck Paranormal Activity.
Oh and do you want to know why I didn’t warn you or give you any explanation about THIS film before I went into my sorta-spoiler heavy questions? Cause who gives a fuck, you spend the entire film watching these characters and looking for answer without results. It doesn’t matter if you know all or nothing, cause this film is nothing but a cash grab. It was another October so they needed another Paranormal Activity movie to be sent out for annoying teenagers to go see and scream and shriek at people appearing out of nowhere.
Oh and when I said it was a 90 minute trailer for the next sequel, I take that back. Paranormal Activity 4 is a 90 minute trailer for the next sequel AND a fuckin’ 90 minute commercial for you to go and buy an Xbox Kinect.
I hope everyone that worked on this film hears a thunderous boom in their bedroom at about 3 in the morning and awake to see someone bending over them as they let out a shit all across their face. Cause that is what they deserve and that is what they gave the paying public.
I give it a THREE out of a TEN, on the scale of film merit and overall quality.
But I also give it a *SUDDEN MOVEMENT AND THUDDING SOUND* out of TEN, on the scale of how scared you should be about losing 11 bucks for this piece of shit.